God watches over His children

I thank the Lord today because of what He spared us from today on the way to Ithaca. There was a 7 car collision on route 17 after thanksgiving break 2010. Cars were going way too fast and breaked suddenly in a construction zone. It was a domino effect and Alec and I were in the 4th car. Alec swerved just in time to miss the car in front of us but a car behind the car directly behind us smashed out the right blinker in the back of Alec's jeep. It was frightening but I know that God was in control. Alec was the only one who didnt hit anyone so were let go to continue the drive back to IC. The funny part of the whole thing was that the crash involved all college kids. One other from IC and another from Cornell. I pray all the others involved who got hit worse than we did are able to get to the college they were heading back to and have their cars fixed soon.

Analytical papers

Dont understand them and never will. What is the point of them? All they do is mess up my brain and fry it till its half dead. That is what math is supposed to do not writing!!!

new things

Part of me hates it when I find new things about people I have known for awhile. Makes me think, "Man i guess I really didnt know them as well as I thought". All of a sudden I see them in a different light. I dont look at them or talk to them in the same way depending on if the thing is a bad or good thing.

National Writing a Novel Month

Totally forgot :( One of these days I should get on that. I'd start now but im already 4 days behind besides I've got so many books im already writing so whats the point.

first pumpkin carving

carved my first pumpkin thurs!!! took me FOREVER. didnt realize pumpkins were so heavy. carved the top off which took an hr. then when i tried to stick my hand in to take the seeds out the hole was too small. so i had to cut the hole bigger. ugh then getting the seeds out was the messy part of it. i had a shovel so that helped alot but the job took forever. then came the carving. it was really dark out by the time i got to this part. so my friend michael had to hold a flood light over me so i could see what i was doing. considering it was my first one....came out pretty good. its now sitting in my dorm room :D

HOP

I love being involved with HOP. It is an amazng experience and Im so glad IC has something like this. Maybe I will talk up the role of being in the director of this. I dont know but ill pray about it. I cant wait till Keeley joins in January!!!!!!! I love being able to use something that I love ASL to praise Him and being glory to Him and also bless the congrgations.

Heartache

Tired of carying around burdens. I want desperatly to ditch it somewhere. Whenever I think about things that hurt me, I can feel my heart tighten so hard it hurts.

Glory to God Forever

Before the world was made

Before you spoke it to be
You were the King of Kings
Yeah you were, yeah you were
And now You’re reigning still
Enthroned above all things
Angels and saints cry out
We join them as we sing

Glory to God, Glory to God, Glory to God Forever
Glory to God, Glory to God, Glory to God Forever

Creator God You gave me breath
So I could praise Your great and matchless name
All my days, all my days
So let my whole life be a blazing offering
A life that shouts and sings
The greatness of our King

Glory to God, Glory to God, Glory to God Forever
Glory to God, Glory to God, Glory to God Forever

Take my life, and let it be
All for You and for Your glory
Take my life and let it be Yours

Take my life and let it be
All for You and for Your glory
Take my life and let it be Yours

We sing, Glory to God, Glory to God, Glory to God Forever
Glory to God, Glory to God, Glory to God Forever

Take my life, and let it be

All for You and for Your glory
Take my life and let it be Yours

Take my life and let it be
All for You and for Your glory
Take my life and let it be Yours
We sing, Glory to God, Glory to God, Glory to God Forever

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h64opCwLZCw

I want my life to be Yours. Help me to see Your will.

Drinking

Do I drink or not or just a little? I have already experienced drinking too much and do not want to go down that path again. A close Christian friend choose not to drink at all. Should I follow his lead or not? I feel like I should just be more careful how much I drink. I don't feel its wrong except that I know my parents do not like it and they think I don't drink at all. So its a bit deceiving. At this point I think I'm just not going to drink more than one cup. I already refuse to drink beer. I want to try wine though.

College Friends

I love the friends that I have made here at IC so far esp the ones I have made this semester. Ever since the Cru retreat I feel like I have better relationships horizonally. I want a relationship vertically too. I cant help but think which guy I'm supposed to be with. I like too many I think. I want to make the right choice and not just go with the first guy that asks me. My friends both guys and girls have been there for me and praying for me and Im so so thankful :) I love them all dearly. I have never felt so loved before. Ithaca College was definatly the right choice

Dedicated to my Aunt Pat

The Artist


To me the sewing machine is a machine to stay far away from but to my Aunt Pat it is a machine that enables her to create beautiful art. In her house she has an entire room set aside that she calls her “Sewing Room”. There is a narrow strip of bare dark wood floor. That is the only wood flooring one can see because the rest of the room is covered in pieces of cloth of all colors and shades. Some are plain, others have patterns and the rest have different objects printed on them like stars and flowers. No two pieces of cloth are the same.

To one side of the room is a wooden desk that holds a white sewing machine. The sewing machine is surrounded by yet more cloth and a desk lamp. When the lamp is on, it casts a glow onto the sewing machine that makes it look like it was touched by an angel.

My Aunt Pat loves to make things for her family and friends. She has made not just quilts which are her specialty but also pillowcases and blankets. Anything she makes is proudly displayed so that everyone that comes into our house can enjoy her creations too. She truly is a gifted artist. Of course she is, it runs in the family.

Boys

Someday your Prince Charming will come. Mine just took a wrong turn, got lost, & is too stubborn to ask for directions. :)

Why are boys so annoying?

My desire for real friendships

My friend Chelsie told me once, "College is the place to find your bridesmaids". Not that I plan on getting married any time soon. She is so right. I want friends who will be with me thro thick and thin. I want friends who will love me like I do. I want friends who will be loyal and truthful. In HS I had "friends". They were not real but I pretended they were so that I had someone to be with on weekends. I did not like spending time with them. I knew they did not like me but I tried to get them to like me. FAIL. I realize now I can not make people like me. If people dont like me, its their loss. It is a waste of time and energy to try to make someone like me. I do not want this repeated in college. One of my biggest fears. So far I have had only one problem with a close friend. I do not want to lose anyone but at the same time I want all of us to be on the same page. If someone doesnt want to be my friend, I want them to tell me. No secrecy.

The Past that Haunts me

There are things that happened in HS that still bother me today. I have come to realize that I have not completly forgiven them for what they did. I cant just say, "Lord, forgive them for they know not what they have done". I have a hard time forgving and forgetting what happened. It hurt me so much and I cant seem to let go and move on. I know I need time I only hope I will notbring others down with me. I want this tightening in my heart to go away. Everytime I pray about it the tears start to fall. I try to stop them and they keep faling faster and faster. I hate crying. To this day no one knows what really happend but me and the Lord. I cant explain this to anyone. The people who caused me pain and heartache probably do not remember what they did. Do I risk bringing it to their attention only to have them laugh and leave me feeling worse than before. I do not trust my voice when it comes to hard and sad things that hurt me deeply. I have a hard time expressing my anger in words without saying something I shouldnt. I cant be friends with them ever but I know I need to fogive. I do not want this to determine my future.

acting and modeling

Can't believe I got signed on to a modeling agency. It's too funny. I think I might block my eyes when I see a commercial on and I'm in it. I tend to see the worst in myself. A flaw I have. I think I'd rather act since I have acting in plays before and I like acting like other people when I'm at home. It sometimes so nice to be someone else for awhile. I told my boss that I would give modeling a shot. We shall see what happens. I'm with the company for 5 years so alot can happen during those 5 years. This is going to be alot of fun :)

What to do?!

There is this guy I dont really like that much that I knew back in HS. I refuse to talk to him at all. I dont like it when my family talks about him. He repeatedly tries to talk to me and I ignore him. He's an annoying kid and I just dont really like being with him. Sure hes fun to pick on but thats about it. I dont have to like the kid but I do have to love him cause he's a brother in Christ. This is an annoying perdicament I'm in.

Parents

Some people say that they feel like their parents dont show them enough love or attention. I feel like my parents care too much. Im now 18 and feel like they treat me like a 13 year old. I realize I am very lucky to have parents at all and that they love each other and love me. But at the same time, they want to know what im feeling, what my problems are, who my friends are, what i am doing at school etc. I like the idea of having a private life esp. now im 5 hours away from them most of the year. Yes, I still call them to let them know I'm still alive and well. Sometimes I find myself telling them too much though. There are still things I do not tell them like the parties I go to, my crushes, my friends; though they do know about some of them. Parents, cant live with them and cant live with out them. I know I owe them my exhistance but....I dont want to tell them everything about my new life and I cant figure out how much to tell without "over telling" or "under telling".

why cant we live like we're dying

This is one of my favorite songs. I wish I could tell people what I want to say before it's too late. So many times I have wished I had said something to someone while at their funeral.


Sometimes we fall down, can't get back up
We're hiding behind skin that's too tough
How come we don't say I love you enough
Till it's to late, it's not too late

Our hearts are hungry for a food that won't come
And we could make a feast from these crumbs
And we're all staring down the barrel of a gun
So if your life flashed before you,
What would you wish you would've done

Yeah, we gotta start
Looking at the hands of the time we've been given
If this is all we got and we gotta start thinking
If every second counts on a clock that's ticking
Gotta live like we're dying

We only got 86,400 seconds in a day to
Turn it all around or to throw it all away
We gotta tell them that we love them
While we got the chance to say
Gotta live like we're dying


And if your plane fell out of the skies
Who would you call with your last goodbye
Should be so careful who we live out our lives
So when we long for absolution,
There'll no one on the line, yeah

Yeah, we gotta start
Looking at the hands of the time we've been given
If this is all we got and we gotta start thinking
If every second counts on a clock that's ticking
Gotta live like we're dying

We only got 86,400 seconds in a day to
Turn it all around or to throw it all away
We gotta tell them that we love them
While we got the chance to say
Gotta live like we're dying

Like we're dying, oh, like we're dying..

We only got 86,400 seconds in a day to
Turn it all around or to throw it all away
We gotta tell them that we love them
While we got the chance to say
Gotta live like we're dying

You never know a good thing till it's gone
You never see a crash till it's head on
Why do we think we're right when we're dead wrong
You never know a good thing till it's gone

Yeah, we gotta start
Looking at the hands of the time we've been given
If this is all we got and we gotta start thinking
If every second counts on a clock that's ticking
Gotta live like we're dying

We only got 86,400 seconds in a day to
Turn it all around or to throw it all away
We gotta tell them that we love them
While we got the chance to say
Gotta live like we're dying

Like we're dying, oh, like we're dying..

We only got 86,400 seconds in a day to
Turn it all around or to throw it all away
We gotta tell them that we love them
While we got the chance to say
Gotta live like we're dying..

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YbfeSImDntw


I hope you enjoy it as much as I do. I cry when i sing this song. Yes i admit it. I cry. This song touches me everytime. I only wish I could live this way. It's hard but its better than the pain you feel when its too late.

Sign Language

I can not express enough how much I love sign language. Tonight I went to Hands of Praise concert. They are a group of Christians that sign songs and go to different churches. I just joined this semester and I love it. I have been learning sign since Freshman year of High School. I learned sign at the American School for the Deaf in West Hartford, CT. For most of my life I mainstreamed. This means that I as a hard of hearing individual, I went to a hearing school (people who have normal hearing). I would have had rather gone to a deaf school but my parents would not let me. Sign is so much easier to understand for me because I can see it. Speech reading is hard cause I have to concentrate solely on the person talking and block out other people's distracting voices in the backround. I probably won't ever just sign and not talk like many hard of hearing and deaf people do but I do wish to continue to learn and use it everyday. My dream is to create movies for the Deaf ( silent movies) tv shows and plays. My two minors are Scriptwriting and Deaf Studies. Unfotunatly, even though the U.S. does have a law stating that all movies and tv shows should have captions, there are still movie theatres that do not provide this much needed feature. I pray that this will happen soon. So many people are advocating this idea. We should have captions in movie theatres so that the Deaf and Hard of hearing can enjoy the movies too.

Nicknames

If I ever have kids which wont be in the near future trust me, I am not going to name them names that can be turned into nicknaes like these. I hate the names Bob, Nick, Rick, Mitch, Butch, Cat, Fran, Chip, Jack, Nat or Pat. Especially Bob...sounds like a typical american name. I dont know why bt Bob makes me think of a short big guy maybe cause of Bob the tomato from Veggie Tales.

OK now to my other nickname petpeeve
I am going to hurt you if any boy friend calls me by these names:
Honey
Baby
Dear
Honey Bun
Cupcake
I am not a food!!!!! I am a human being. I am not a baby. I dont look like one, smell like one or cry like one. I am not a deer. I realize that it is spelled differently but the first thing I think of is a deer like Bambi.

Photography

To me photography is a way to see creation is a new and creative way. Whether the picture is of nature or people, it truly is an amazing feat. I love taking pictures of anything, I just prefer not to be picure taken. :) I guess I'm camera shy. My dog Buddy is my favorite to photograph. Hes so cute and will pretty much sit still for anything.

Race

I have my own words for the dominant races in this world. Hot Chocolate and White Chocolate. White Chocoate dipped in Hot Chocolate = YUM! Among the Hot Chocolate you've got Dark Chocolate and Milk Chocolate. Among the White Chocolate you've got White Moca and Hot White Chocolate. I personally prefer to be called Hot Chocolate :)

Follow your dreams

The Blind Side is an awesome movie :) Everyone shoul watch it. It's about a African boy who is an orphan with no where to go. An upperclass family takes him in even though other people ridicule and make fun of the boy. He eventually gets good grades and succeeds in football to go to college on a scholarship. He shows us all that we can do anything when we put our minds to it.

The Climb

I can almost see it
That dream I'm dreaming
But there's a voice inside my head saying
"You'll never reach it"

Every step I'm taking
Every move I make feels
Lost with no direction
My faith is shaking

But I gotta keep trying
Gotta keep my head up high

There's always gonna to be another mountain
I'm always gonna to want to make it move
Always gonna to be an uphill battle
Somebody's gonna to have to lose

Ain't about how fast I get there
Ain't about what's waiting on the other side
It's the climb

The struggles I'm facing
The chances I'm taking
Sometimes might knock me down
But, no I'm not breaking

I may not know it
But these are moments that
I'm gonna remember most, yeah
Just gotta keep going

And I, I gotta be strong
Just keep pushing on, cause

There's aways gonna to be another mountain
I'm always gonna wanna make it move
Always gonna to be an uphill battle
Somebody's  gonna to have to lose

Aint about how fast I get there
Aint about what's waiting on the other side
It't the climb

There's always gonna to be another mountain
I'm always gonna wanna make it move
Alway gonna be an uphill battle
Somebody's gonna to have to lose

Aint about how fast I get there
Aint about what's waiting on the other side
It's the climb, yeah

Keep on moving, keep climbing
Keep the faith, baby
It's all about, it's all about the climb
Keep the faith, keep the faith

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NG2zyeVRcbs


I love this song so much. I listen to it all the time. This song speaks a truth we all should learn. No matter how hard the climb is or how many times we lose, we should always keep the faith. Do not worry about what is on the other side. Worry about the climb :) My challenge for you.

Writing

The things that I love about writing:
I can write about the people that mean something to me and usually I get to see their reactions.
The people I write about that have passed, I can look back at the written piece and remember happy memories
I love to write fiction most of all. Making stuff up is my specialty
I can get away from reality and create my own version of reality
With fiction, the sky is the limit. I can make it look real or fake it as much as I please
Writing give me the freedom I feel when I'm flying :)

Racism is a deadly disease

I just had to read an essay for my Personal Essay class. It was titled "Dragon Slayer". The entire essay was written around the idea that African Americans are heroes. In a way we are. 60 years ago we could not go to a pretigeous college such as Ithaca College where I am now. I have been blessed that I can come here to pursure my dream of beoming a New York Times Bestselling Writer. My dad went to UCONN to become a pharmatist. Growing up he and his parents and little sister lived in an apartment in Englewood, NJ. He went to an all black school till he was in 3rd grade when they started to integrate schools in NJ. People did not like it. There were shootings and riots all the time. He was not allowed to go outside after dusk and there were certain parts of town where he was not welcomed. It was a scary time. Soon his family was able to own a house. This was an amazing accomplishment. After my dad graduated from UCONN, he lived in Hartford working for Rite Aid pharmacy. Now he works for Arrow Perscription Center. While living in Hartford he saved enough money to buy a house in Windsor where we live now. He worked long and hard to provide for his future family. He once tod me that he wanted his family to have more than he had. He wanted us to have our own house, a big backyard and live in a safe neighborhood. This ment alot to him. In a way, my dad is an inspiration to me. He knew what he wanted and went after it with all his heart. God has provided for us in every way known.

What I am thankful for

Seth Nenstiel wrote a blog about what he's thankful for so I'm going to do the same.

In my Personal Essay writing class, my professor wants us to write about something in our lives that invloves conflicts, tragety and inner battles. I do not have much of this in my life. Many people in my class have relatives that get drunk often, they live with only one parent or if they do live with both they fight all the time, or they have siblings that try to kill themselves. I do not have any of that. The worst fight that my parents and I have had was during HS. I did not want to continue at the HS I was at and I wanted to go back to public school. Our fights never invlove throwing hard objects and they rarely lead to screaming. I feel like my life is perfect. I have two parents that love each other, my sister and I. And of course our dog Buddy. We love him dearly. My parents provided us with a house in a safe neighborhood. One that is within a couple miles of downtown Hartford. Both my parents went to college and have a Bachelor's degree. My dad has a steady job as a pharmasist. We dont do drugs, smoke or have guns. My parents have supported my dreams when I wanted to be a pilot. They also support me now as a writer. They want me to succeed. I want to succeed. I really am a spolied girl. I never understood why my mom would never let me wear a shirt that stated this truth tho :) My ultimate dream is to live in LA and write for Hollywood or Sony. I want Corbin Bleu to play the lead star in a movie based on one of my books. Wouldn't that be something?

Favorite quotes

"Evaporate tall person"
"She floats easily under adult radar because she seems sweet"
"What's impossible? I didn't think IMPOSSIBLE  was in your vocabulary"
"Meeting with the smartest kids in school is a great way to get caught up"
"He was quite hansome, at least from the opposite side of the street on a foggy day"
"Do you want something to drink?" "No, I'm too young" "Apple juice, boy!"
"You are so dedicated...just like me!"
"Compared to her, they were like...well, waffles with frezzer burn"
"If the egg fits, lay it!"
"When nature calls, you have to answer the door" - White Ghetto
"She gets winded sharpening a pencil"
"She shops for shoes like the First Lady would shop for the Inaguaral Ball gown"
"You're a shining lighthouse in the Bay of Stupicity"
"You're a Nork - an annoying hybrid of a nerd and a dork"
"She is slim depending on the angle"
"She was the sort of girl who probaby swapped toys for boys when she hit eleven"
"Why you walkin' like you got a diaper rash?"
HAHAHA love these :)

High School

UGH High School. A friend once told me that HS teaches you how to servive. I think she is so right. HS was about cliques, fitting in or not, and gossip. I was never into those things. I had my own group. I went to a private school during HS and I hated it. Unfortunatly, some of the kids were a bit racist. I tried to fit in when I got there but soon realized that if people do not accept you for who you are then they are not worthy of your time or friendship. I'm glad I learned that lesson in HS.

Life

If there is one thing in life I would love to have is a life without mistakes and cowardice. Sometimes I wish  could re do some parts of my life. Other times I wish I could just have the courage to do the things I want to do or want to say.

I love not doing anything and still being tired. I will never understand the human body!

BOYS

Don't you hate that love sick feeling? No matter what you do, you see his face. During the day and in your dreams. You just can not shake that feeling. This is how I feel right now.
I also have three guy best friends that are amazing. I don't want them to think I like them. How do I let them know that I want to be their best friend not their girlfriend? I love being with them, hangin out, talking, making fun of them, telling them jokes and just beinging with them. They make me happy and we have so much fun together. I don't want to give that up.

Friends

My roomate is soooo silly. I have two friends next door that are so crazy. I love them all even when they act like crack heads and I am forced to give the "Ruth stare" that they love so much.

Facial Hair

I do not think I will ever like a guy with facial hair. I know I know my dad has a mustache but ive never known him with out one n besides hes like 50 somethin. Hes allowed. A 20 year old on the other hand......shouldnt be happening!!! The only thing I think of when a guy starts growing facial hair is, "What would it feel like to kiss him?" I know Im pathetic. But its all I think about when I see a guy a cute guy with facial hair. My mom says it took her awhile to get used to my dad's mustache. I do not think I could date or marry a guy with facial hair. NO NO It should be sweet not weird. I swear Im going to cringe if a guy with facial hair starts leaning in to me.

Dating

Is dating your best friend really a good idea? I have become quite close to many guys here at IC and I feel like if we become any closer its going to get awkward. I do not want to lose them as friends. Do I want to kiss my bes friend? So weird to even think about.

Friends

Friends come and go I know. I hate that. I did not have that many close friends in HS but the ones I had I want to keep in touch with. It is really difficult though. Most of the friends I had in HS were younger than me so it is easy to keep in touch with them. I am so glad i live in the 21st century with twitter and facebook. Without those I would never know what is happening out side of snowy Ithaca.
Dont get me wrong, I love all the new friends I have made at IC, I just wish I could keep both set of friends but sadly I am losing my HS friends. The ones I count on these days are Laura B, Kym and Susana. The rest are now gone. Though I do have my little people like Ashley, Karina, Eliza, Erica, Allison, Erin and Tailor. They never cease to make me laugh.
I hope the good friends that I have made here I will see after college. I will never forget them.

My five rules for my future bfs

1) NO SEX WHATSOEVER
2) Dont kiss my hand....I HATE THAT
3) Two places you are never allowed to touch me. (Chest and below the waist)
4) I want you to respect me and I will respect you. I want to trust you and I want you to trust me
5) Im not a romantic so do not buy me flowers it wont help

See..im easy as pie

Writing

I absolutly love to write. One of my all time favorite past times. I like to write fiction because I can make up stuff and be imaginative as I can be. The sky is the limit in fiction. No one can say its fake because its fiction. Personally personal essays should not be published for the public to read. That is why it is called "Personal Essay". It is personal. I do not relish in telling random people my life story or what a certain person in my life means to me. Fiction is just so much easier to write too. I write about people I know or I just make up characters. I use their characteristcs and give them different names and put them in a different setting. It is so much fun to be able to control what your characters do. Watching other people read my works is fun as well. Their facial expressions are hilarious to watch.