Friendship Has Value

The more people I let into my life as the years go by, the more I ask myself, "Why some people don't act like friendship, a real, honest friendship, has a price?" You give a little and you take a little. People I meet often don't want to give they just want to get. I don't understand that at all. There are others who, like me, give their all to the wrong people and are left wondering where they went wrong? How can you protect yourself from selfish people? You can't. Sure, there are ways to be cautious like waiting until they prove to you that they are worth your time. Who knows how long that will take, but if you're willing to take every relationship slow, it might be worth your time.

I'm writing this post because too often I get to a point in a friendship and he/she throws me off course by doing something that doesn't go with being a friend. For instance, blowing me off again and again. Or not really paying attention when I need someone to talk to. Or worse yet, yelling at me when I'm already upset. I realize people are human and I'm one of those crazy individuals who love showing love so when someone doesn't show it back, it's a slap in my face. Maybe I shouldn't "wear my heart on my sleeve" so much. Maybe I shouldn't expect someone to match my "mad nice" personality.

You know that phrase, "Your past doesn't define you." Well, in a way it does. What I mean by that is your past molds you and shapes you into who you are today. Now it is true that you shouldn't LET your past define you in such a way that you relive your past mistakes or make new ones based on your past. For instance, I was bullied all my life; 1st grade through senior year. Why? I was quiet. I was black. I was Deaf. I prefered to be left alone. I wasn't a partier. I hated crowds. I loved to read. I loved to write. I was extremely creative. There are probably other reasons that I may not have been aware of.

The difference between those years and now is that the friends I met post high school were real. They stuck with me through my lowest of lows. They know my idiosyncrasies and still love me. They know I am Deaf and they don't see me as different.  They love the fact that I'm a passionate writer. This attitude made such a huge difference. I became less shy and more outgoing because I finally accepted myself for who I am. I didn't have to pretend to be someone else like I felt I had to before. Because of what I went through growing up, I'm more careful with who I let into my life. There are times when I fail myself and let my heart fly ahead of my head, but you live and learn. LEARN being the key word. In a way, that experience taught me of the value of friendship. Real friends mean a lot to me and when I find those who accept me "as is," I hold them quite tight. So if they leave or I feel disrespected by them, it's painful and I feel compelled to say something.

I say all this to say, friendship has value. I wish more people could see the importance of this. Every day, I strive to be a better friend because that's what I want above all else. :)