Friendship Has Value

The more people I let into my life as the years go by, the more I ask myself, "Why some people don't act like friendship, a real, honest friendship, has a price?" You give a little and you take a little. People I meet often don't want to give they just want to get. I don't understand that at all. There are others who, like me, give their all to the wrong people and are left wondering where they went wrong? How can you protect yourself from selfish people? You can't. Sure, there are ways to be cautious like waiting until they prove to you that they are worth your time. Who knows how long that will take, but if you're willing to take every relationship slow, it might be worth your time.

I'm writing this post because too often I get to a point in a friendship and he/she throws me off course by doing something that doesn't go with being a friend. For instance, blowing me off again and again. Or not really paying attention when I need someone to talk to. Or worse yet, yelling at me when I'm already upset. I realize people are human and I'm one of those crazy individuals who love showing love so when someone doesn't show it back, it's a slap in my face. Maybe I shouldn't "wear my heart on my sleeve" so much. Maybe I shouldn't expect someone to match my "mad nice" personality.

You know that phrase, "Your past doesn't define you." Well, in a way it does. What I mean by that is your past molds you and shapes you into who you are today. Now it is true that you shouldn't LET your past define you in such a way that you relive your past mistakes or make new ones based on your past. For instance, I was bullied all my life; 1st grade through senior year. Why? I was quiet. I was black. I was Deaf. I prefered to be left alone. I wasn't a partier. I hated crowds. I loved to read. I loved to write. I was extremely creative. There are probably other reasons that I may not have been aware of.

The difference between those years and now is that the friends I met post high school were real. They stuck with me through my lowest of lows. They know my idiosyncrasies and still love me. They know I am Deaf and they don't see me as different.  They love the fact that I'm a passionate writer. This attitude made such a huge difference. I became less shy and more outgoing because I finally accepted myself for who I am. I didn't have to pretend to be someone else like I felt I had to before. Because of what I went through growing up, I'm more careful with who I let into my life. There are times when I fail myself and let my heart fly ahead of my head, but you live and learn. LEARN being the key word. In a way, that experience taught me of the value of friendship. Real friends mean a lot to me and when I find those who accept me "as is," I hold them quite tight. So if they leave or I feel disrespected by them, it's painful and I feel compelled to say something.

I say all this to say, friendship has value. I wish more people could see the importance of this. Every day, I strive to be a better friend because that's what I want above all else. :)

When You Love Your Body, You Have to Make Sacrifices

When Nutella enters the house, all diets go out the window. It's true. Same thing goes for a really good pizza or scrumptious home baked cupcakes. I have such a hard time saying, "NO!" I see those items of goodness and I just can't stop my arm from reaching out and bringing it to my lips to taste. Before I know it, the jar is half empty or I'm on my fifth cupcake of the night. It takes all of me not to want to scream in agony. Why do I do this to myself? I want to take care of this body I was given so why am I treating it so horribly? Why does such awesomeness have to be so unhealthy? Those nasty corporations HAVE to put junk in it!!??!

Granted, indulgences of sweets and such are ok every so often, but not binges. When you love your body, you want to take care of it. Therefore, you must make sacrifices as unhappy they may cause you to be. 

Nutella, why have you done this to me?!

"Not My Problem"

Whenever I hear this phrase, "not my problem" I immediately get upset. Why? This mentality is a problem. This gives the excuse that what someone else is going through shouldn't affect you.

When my uncle died, I needed a friend. Someone I could talk to. Someone that would just sit and be there. What I didn't need was someone to tell me that they couldn't deal with my silence anymore. My pain "wasn't their problem." Every time I hear that phrase, my heart just wants to squeeze itself until it doesn't exist.

I know what it's like to live in pain. I know what it's like to feel like no one cares you're alive. However, being a friend means taking the good with the bad. We all know life isn't a bed of roses. If anyone thinks otherwise, they are living in a dream. Doesn't matter how much faith you have. Doesn't matter how many guns you own. Having a support system means the world to an individual.

The next time someone you know is hurting, whether or not the cause is your fault, don't say that it's not your problem because in a way as a friend, it is. Be there.

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When Will They Learn

Again, someone has disrespected the Islamic faith and have gotten a firefight in response. Just months prior, a group made fun of the Islamic faith in Paris and got the same result.

Freedom of Speech does not and will not include the freedom to defame, disrespect or otherwise make fun of another person's chosen religion. Doesn't matter who you are, who you think you are or whether or not you seem to think you can get away with it. Freedom, any freedom, comes with responsibilities and consequences. Freedom to marry who we please comes with both of these things as well. If we marry the wrong person, we suffer the consequences. Freedom to start a business; if you invest the right way, you will prosper. The list can go on. 

Just because you CAN or ALLOWED to do something doesn't always make it the RIGHT THING to do. Do the world a favor and stop poking fun at others who are different from you. In a nutshell, your actions are called bullying. Angering others is not nice and not just because they (Islamics) will kill you but because it simply isn't a good thing to do. 

So the next time, you feel the "need" to draw a caricature or verbally defame someone for their beliefs or any other reason, DON'T.

Everyone has a Mother, but not everyone has a Mom

Now, it's a known fact that every person is born from a womb inside a woman, unless they are a science specimen or clone. Despite the fact that I have been blessed with both a mother and a mom, I'm still deeply saddened and have a huge heart for those girls with a single dad. There are so many things I would never discuss with my dad and would only go to my mom for help.

It's extremely helpful for a girl to have an older woman to go to for help whether it's about their growing, ever changing bodies or how to deal with the opposite sex. Gender plays a huge role in how we grow up and what we learn about our own gender and the opposite. Personally, I feel that I've learned at a slower rate in many areas about the opposite sex growing up without a brother. Now, I did have those boys and men in my life who were friends, cousins and of course my father. At the same time, I never had a close relationship with my cousins or guy friends until middle school. The more you're around certain genders, the more you learn about them, how to interact with them, how to talk to them and so on so forth.

Sure, you can read about other genders, how they act and maybe even one that lists common questions that are answered, but nothing is like having a real relationship with that person. Both Moms and Dads are important to have and I hope as our children grow up in single parent homes, that they fill the hole with someone who is willing and just as loving.

COMMON Courtesy Doesn't Exist

Does anyone know what common courtesy is anymore? Or do we all have our different views on what it is? Personally, these are what I believe everyone should hold as common courtesy...

1) Hold the door open for the person a couple feet behind you regardless of gender
2) If you see someone needs help carrying something, offer your assistance in some way
3) Treat others the way you want to be treated
4) When someone doesn't like something you said or did, STOP especially if he/she is a friend
5) When a friend/relative sends you a message via email, phone, social media respond as quickly as you can. Don't ignore the person for days without some sort of reply like "I will get back to you on that."
6) When a friend is in need of a shoulder to cry on or a listening ear, drop something and help her/him. You don't need to move a mountain to help a friend.
7) Respect each other's differences. If you don't agree, oh well. But don't shoot them down just so you can feel better about your stand on the matter. Or try to change their mind when it's clear they don't want to. Know when to stop.

I realize that many of us have grown up differently under different circumstances. This doesn't mean our present/future has to mirror our past. I've been blessed to grow up in a loving home, with food on the table every night and parents to come home to. Not everyone had/has that. At the same time, this is no excuse for some of us to treat others like we were treated by our drunk fathers or incompetent mothers etc. Don't let your circumstances ruin your chance at a happy life. Don't let your past ruin your present. Be the best {insert your name here} you can be. With each passing day, be nicer, be more understanding, be more loving.

Side Note: Truly loving someone doesn't mean only when it's good for you. Real love means sacrifice, commitment and understanding. Don't jump ship the first moment of trouble. Work it out. Give a little. Help each other grow and love each other more :) <3 nbsp="" p="">