New Year

This time of year everyone writes down what they would like to change in the new year. Sometimes it's about eating habits or exercise. Maybe it's about taking a step back from a busy lifestyle. Mine is jumbled mix of things.

First, I want to make the most of my 20s. I'm tired of focusing on the negative about my life and I just wish to turn things around and have fun!

Second, not to be scared of the future. In high school, I had a plan. That plan went out the window. Freshman year of college, I had a plan. That one too went out the window. Junior year, I had a plan. You'd think I would have learned but no, it too went out the window. Now, I have no plan and it terrifies me. My future is a blank slate and that's ok.

Third, people have told me that I emanate confidence but inside I don't feel that way. Sure, I've grown to the point where I'm happy being Ruth Elisabeth Jackson through and through but there are things I really wish I could change. Sometimes, it surprises me how many people actually like me. That just sounded supremely depressing, but it was only after high school when I starting liking myself. This new year, I want to believe in myself fully.

Fourth, trusting God that He indeed wants me to be happy and not miserable. My mind always goes back to the times where I hated myself and wanted out which causes me to wonder if He wanted that. He never gave me anything better during that time. But the past is the past and I want to look forward to my future, my career. Sometimes I wonder if we are even on the same page. This one is going to be a hard one, but I am determined to stick with Him and see what He's thinking. (I'm praying I'll like it)

Happy New Year!