Thinking Like God

I've been told to think about God as a parent more than a friend even though the Bible states that He "sticks closer than a brother." Personally, I find it hard to view God as a friend anyways because he's always telling me what to do. That's more the lines of a parent.

When bad things happen to me or when I honestly can't feel Him in my life, all I want to do is cry and throw things. Generally, I don't show my true feelings around others so unless the person knows me like the back of their hand, which only a couple can actually say that, no one will know when I'm depressed or feeling inadequate.

The movie, Joyful Noise, really hit home for me because both kids' feelings about God and their mother resonate with me. There were times where I hated God. I hated myself too. I'm not normal. I'm different from everybody else and I hated that! It wasn't until college, where I learned that it's ok to be different and on top of that, people actually liked me as me. God doesn't make trash! All of this brought memories of junior year at CORE where I gave a talk about this very matter. How quickly I forgot!

Over the years, I've been through a lot. Probably not as much as some people, but we all have our share of problems. I try to think like God when something I really wanted falls through or someone does do what I had hoped they would. I also try to remember that just because I made a mistake doesn't mean it's God's fault. I'm no saint and I'd never try to be, but I don't want to be a miserable old woman who's scared all the time. I'm afraid I won't ever be happy, I won't ever find a group of real Christian friends who are physically near me or that I won't even be financially independent...ever! I'll be stuck in my parents' home for the rest of my life miserable with no life and no friends. My mind tends to go to the worse case scenario.

Living with my parents sometimes feels like hell, especially the last few months. I've come to realize both care in their own ways and I try to remember that. One has been more open handed than the other and sometimes I wish I could get through to them that I'm not a kid and that I can actually think for myself and make good decisions. Yes, I will probably make more mistakes. No doubt, but that doesn't mean I need to be sheltered and guided every step anymore. I know what to avoid and I know how to handle myself. I'm a no nonsense person and I pray that never changes.

Thinking like God means I often need to take a step back and try to see the bigger picture. True, it's hard when I'm in the middle of it. I don't understand why I couldn't have that job in Iowa. Actually, I do, but I don't. If I had had that job, I wouldn't have found two in Connecticut that I utterly enjoy. Would I trade then for that position in Iowa, NOPE! WHY? Because the job in Iowa even though it involved writing, it wasn't actually the exact type of writing I LOVE to do. I like web content, but not as much as creative advertising or teaching ASL. So God gave me something HIGHER. Looking back, He's done that before, I just didn't believe He'd do it again.