Passion

The question most people ask themselves when trying to find a major or find out who they are is "what is my passion?" I've known the answer to this question beginning in third grade when I wrote my first story. I only vaguely remember the assignment. My teacher wanted us to create a story that was 2 - 3 pages long about anything we wanted. From my knowledge, I've never written a story before but I have had dreams and was encouraged to write them down because they were usually very creative and humorous.

The particular story I wrote in third grade was more pages than the teacher asked for. After reading and grading all of them, she asked me to read it in front of the whole class. Since then, I found that I enjoyed writing stories and always got excited when we received a creative project. It was and still is fun creating characters and plots that makes the reader keep turning the page.

Currently, I'm writing a novel, my first one! It's fun, yet tiring especially since I'm in the editing stage. Subtracting is the hardest part since I tend to get attached to a first draft. Someday, it will get done. It doesn't have to be a bestseller, but it would make my world brighter if it did.

What Does Love Mean? Really?

Everyone has their own version of what love is or what love means to them. It's alright to have different ways to want to be loved or for others to show love to you. That is what they call "love languages." One way I know for sure someone loves me and cares for me is when the person gives me a "just because" present. Honestly, it could be anything from my favorite candy to a magnet of a puppy. Both of which I've gotten before. Another way is when someone tells me the truth even when it's hard for them to admit or for me to hear. This doesn't happen very often.

What people don't realize is that real love includes sacrifice. I don't mean killing an animal like in Biblical times. What I mean is putting the person's feelings before your own. For instance, I love love love NCIS, Rookie Blue, Person of Interest, Motive and the like. Some people don't like those types of shows. If my boyfriend or best friend wants to watch NASCAR or some sappy teary chick flick, if I truly love them I will set aside my hatred for such things and watch it with them. Now this doesn't mean I have to watch these things all the time and neither should the other. Together, we have to agree to sacrifice every so often. Balance.

Another thing I feel is important before breathing the word "love" especially out loud is making sure the other feels comfortable to be vulnerable. This gets tricky. No one likes to be vulnerable. I know I don't. In fact, I hate it. Everytime I take a risk like this, I get burned. I realized why though. I was vulnerable to the wrong people, those who didn't really love me or know how to love truly. So now, I take my time in deciding if this person I think I love is worth the risk.

So I encourage you to think before declaring your love for someone, before telling someone you are their best friend. It hurts when you realize all this time that person never really loved you, only pretended. That's painful. Love is a beautiful thing so don't say it till you mean it.

On the Inside, but Still on the Outside Looking In

You know that feeling where you start to feel like you belong? Then something happens, could be the littlest thing like two friends talking/whispering and you're not included. They begin to laugh and you look up. They're not even looking your way or acknowledging you. How does that make you feel? For me, I feel like I'm on the outside looking in. I don't want to be needy. In fact, I hate it when people act that way. So I make it a point not to do the same.

My friends tell me they miss me all the time. Their words very often don't match their actions. Am I missing something? In my heart, I know that if I got into a car accident or if I needed a shoulder to cry on, they'd come running. But what about the day to day stuff? No, I'm not asking for a 20 minute conversation every single day, but when two people can go months without talking to one another and not feel something's missing...I'm not sure what to do with that.

I've been in long distance relationships where one doesn't have internet at all so I rarely got to communicate with them. That is understandable where two people go without talking for awhile and still be close. Don't get me wrong, I still hate that kind of relationship, but at least I know why.

We are blessed to live in the United States where everyone is just a tap away on our phones or computers. Even though we have all this technology, many people still feel lonely. Why? We have more of a relationship with words on a screen than the actual person. Distance, physical distance, can be a huge strain I know. Sometimes, Skype isn't even enough. So what should we lonely people do?

Idea! Get out of the house and find people. This isn't easy, trust me. I hate being the new girl. But I've found it to be quite rewarding to meet new people. Ones who don't know the terrible things you've done or seen the tears you've shed. A fresh start. I love that.