Six months ago, I was a mess, inside and out. I had just finished my AmeriCorps service year and I had no idea what was next. It was both exciting and frightening. I felt that I should stay in Denver to see what else this city had to offer in the sense of friendships and job opportunities. I loved the vibrant scene and enjoyed the festivals. The friends I had made over the past year were those I didn't want to leave just yet. I loved the neighborhood I was in and wanted to stay. I didn't see a reason to move so I waited for God's leading.
Well, as some of you have experienced, God's leading isn't always crystal clear nor is it always fast. While I was nervous, I felt confident enough that Denver was the place for me. Sure, I still have dreams about whether or not I will ever have a hacienda in New Mexico complete with horses and wide open fields for miles. That was a childhood dream, but it's a nice one.
I worked part-time for what felt like an eternity at a sandwich shop. The boss there was not accommodating nor did she seem to really care about her employees the way I feel like she should have. Many employers I've had have created a safe place for their employees and encouraged us to talk to them at any time. I never felt comfortable talking with the boss at the sandwich shop about anything.
On top of dealing with her, I also felt an inner war going on because of how badly I wanted to get back to using my degree. I felt like I was going nowhere. There had to be more to my life than making sandwiches all day. I tried to focus on writing cover letters as well as hanging out with friends. When money is low and you have rent to pay and food to eat, you really can't do a whole lot since so many activities require having $20 to spend. Most of the time I had to count my pennies to make sure I had enough for rent.
January was the worst. I honestly didn't think I would make rent. However, due to God's provision, I was able to with some to spare on food and a bus pass. The way that it worked out was through two things; one -- a friend from church bought me food from the grocery store and two -- I had no heat in my bedroom for two months so the landlord took $100 off rent for February. If neither of those things happened, I would have had to call the landlord and say I can only pay so much and will try to get the rest soon. But I didn't have to do that.
Switches jobs to work at the Children's Museum is something I wish I had done sooner. My boss, there was awesome! I loved working there and I miss it today. I felt appreciated and supported which meant so much to me. It's definitely a place I would go back to given the right opportunity.
The job that took me away from there was a Grants and Database Coordinator position at Urban Peak where I am now. I've been there two months now and I can see that this is 100% without a doubt orchestrated by God my Father. I can hardly believe the pieces that fell into place. My boss, Katherine, she has a son who is Deaf. My other boss, Peggy, she's aware of what I need without me saying a whole lot about my hearing. I almost cried when she said, "Feel free to stop me or someone else in a meeting if you miss something." I have a coworker with hearing aids too. I have another coworker who is a writer. It's been a whirlwind two months but I am glad I'm with Urban Peak right now. It was worth the wait.
Saturday, May 19, 2018
Tuesday, October 10, 2017
A Word about The Good Doctor
Tonight, I watched the first episode of The Good Doctor and I have to say, I'm in love! Never have I seen a show about someone with a disability and it's POSITIVE! This is exactly what we need! So many tears flooded my eyes while watching this and I hope it only gets better.
For those who don't know, this show is about a young surgical resident who has autism. He is brilliant beyond measure and I love that they explain what going on in his head through pictures. It's fascinating. While I still have no desire to work in a hospital or have anything to do with practicing medicine, I love this show.
There were two scenes that jumped out at me. One of them was in the boardroom when the president of the hospital spoke about why he wanted to hire this young man, Shaun. The next scene I liked also takes place in the boardroom towards the end of the episode where Shaun gets a chance to speak. In both, I thought I was going to cry.
Too many people in this world are like the surgeon who told Shaun, "You don't belong here." Too many people act like those who are different, those with disabilities don't belong. I'm tired of it! We all have aspirations, gifts, desires and we should be allowed to pursue our dreams! No one should tell another person, "They don't belong." No.
Shaun belongs in surgery. I belong as a writer. We all belong somewhere. I encourage everyone to find out where that is :)
For those who don't know, this show is about a young surgical resident who has autism. He is brilliant beyond measure and I love that they explain what going on in his head through pictures. It's fascinating. While I still have no desire to work in a hospital or have anything to do with practicing medicine, I love this show.
There were two scenes that jumped out at me. One of them was in the boardroom when the president of the hospital spoke about why he wanted to hire this young man, Shaun. The next scene I liked also takes place in the boardroom towards the end of the episode where Shaun gets a chance to speak. In both, I thought I was going to cry.
Too many people in this world are like the surgeon who told Shaun, "You don't belong here." Too many people act like those who are different, those with disabilities don't belong. I'm tired of it! We all have aspirations, gifts, desires and we should be allowed to pursue our dreams! No one should tell another person, "They don't belong." No.
Shaun belongs in surgery. I belong as a writer. We all belong somewhere. I encourage everyone to find out where that is :)
Monday, March 13, 2017
What is Right?
Recently, I've been having multiple conversations on what is right in God's eyes verses the world. A couple nights ago, I was watching the new show Chicago Justice and in this particular episode Stone, a prosecutor, tells Hank Voight, the Commanding Officer of the team in Intelligence, "Having a right and doing what's right are completely two different things."
This hit home for me for many reasons. In the world we live in today, many people have a twisted view on what's right. Many feel that "what's right" should be or could be different for everyone and that there's no absolute truth. Just because we have a right to do whatever it is that makes ourselves happy, doesn't mean it's right to do. As Americans we have many rights, but we have to be careful not to abuse them.
The reason why Stone says this is because Voight wanted to testify giving his side of the story. However, Stone knows it's a complete lie and doesn't want to put him on the stand. Sure, it's Voight's right to testify if he wants, but is it the right thing to do in this case? No, it's not.
Sometimes we have to ask ourselves the hard questions like, "Will this hurt someone else? Could my reputation be ruined if someone finds out the truth?" We have to be responsible human beings and think beyond ourselves. If we don't, we could get ourselves or others into trouble.
Think before you exercise a right is all I ask.
This hit home for me for many reasons. In the world we live in today, many people have a twisted view on what's right. Many feel that "what's right" should be or could be different for everyone and that there's no absolute truth. Just because we have a right to do whatever it is that makes ourselves happy, doesn't mean it's right to do. As Americans we have many rights, but we have to be careful not to abuse them.
The reason why Stone says this is because Voight wanted to testify giving his side of the story. However, Stone knows it's a complete lie and doesn't want to put him on the stand. Sure, it's Voight's right to testify if he wants, but is it the right thing to do in this case? No, it's not.
Sometimes we have to ask ourselves the hard questions like, "Will this hurt someone else? Could my reputation be ruined if someone finds out the truth?" We have to be responsible human beings and think beyond ourselves. If we don't, we could get ourselves or others into trouble.
Think before you exercise a right is all I ask.
Saturday, January 28, 2017
Keep Going
Last week's episode of NCIS hit me right in the feels. Not many shows/movies make me cry in a good way. I have to say that this one, Keep Going, really got me thinking about my failures, the way I look at myself as well as the ups and downs I've been through in life.
Ryan, a son of a Naval Captain, stands on a ledge ready to jump when Mr. Palmer, the M.E. Assistant runs up to stop him without thinking twice about his own safety. He doesn't tell his team what he sees, just runs up to the top floor of the building and grabs Ryan by the belt. The young boy tries several times to get Mr. Palmer to let go but he refuses. My heart practically stopped several times. Just seeing the firemen, police and ambulances through their eyes was horrifying. (I don't often admit I'm deathly scared of heights).
While trying to talk Ryan out of jumping, the conversation made me think about what I went through several times over the last ten years. There have been plenty of times when I compared myself to social media. Mr. Palmer was right when he said that people only show their highlights. They don't show their bad days. So many times I've scrolled through Instagram and seen people's vacations and pictures with friends when I didn't have any. For so long, I had no highlights I wanted to share.
Another phrase that stuck with me, Ducky said, "If you're going through hell, keep going." Life isn't a bed of roses all the time. Not for the President, not for my parents, not for my friends -- certainly not for me. We should "opt for happiness," as Mr. Palmer mentioned to Ryan. I want to be happy. Do you? Sure, there are times when life gets us down but that shouldn't t be a reason to give up. I've wanted several times, believe me, but I've come to realize that when a door closes another one opens. A great number of doors have closed just in the past two years and I still refuse to give up on my dreams. Mr. Palmer never gave up on his. He wanted to become a doctor and he did! He failed the test twice, but he succeeded on his third try.
I'm still shaking my head in disbelief that Mr. Palmer saved Ryan's life. I have no idea if I would ever have the guts to go out on a ledge twelve stories high. That night, I think both of them learned something. I know I did.
Life is precious, don't waste it. Strive to be the best person you can be. If you want good friends, first be a good friend. Love is shown all sorts of ways -- just might not be what we expect. Blaming yourself for everything that goes bad only creates loneliness. Last but not least, don't quit. :)
Ryan, a son of a Naval Captain, stands on a ledge ready to jump when Mr. Palmer, the M.E. Assistant runs up to stop him without thinking twice about his own safety. He doesn't tell his team what he sees, just runs up to the top floor of the building and grabs Ryan by the belt. The young boy tries several times to get Mr. Palmer to let go but he refuses. My heart practically stopped several times. Just seeing the firemen, police and ambulances through their eyes was horrifying. (I don't often admit I'm deathly scared of heights).
While trying to talk Ryan out of jumping, the conversation made me think about what I went through several times over the last ten years. There have been plenty of times when I compared myself to social media. Mr. Palmer was right when he said that people only show their highlights. They don't show their bad days. So many times I've scrolled through Instagram and seen people's vacations and pictures with friends when I didn't have any. For so long, I had no highlights I wanted to share.
Another phrase that stuck with me, Ducky said, "If you're going through hell, keep going." Life isn't a bed of roses all the time. Not for the President, not for my parents, not for my friends -- certainly not for me. We should "opt for happiness," as Mr. Palmer mentioned to Ryan. I want to be happy. Do you? Sure, there are times when life gets us down but that shouldn't t be a reason to give up. I've wanted several times, believe me, but I've come to realize that when a door closes another one opens. A great number of doors have closed just in the past two years and I still refuse to give up on my dreams. Mr. Palmer never gave up on his. He wanted to become a doctor and he did! He failed the test twice, but he succeeded on his third try.
I'm still shaking my head in disbelief that Mr. Palmer saved Ryan's life. I have no idea if I would ever have the guts to go out on a ledge twelve stories high. That night, I think both of them learned something. I know I did.
Life is precious, don't waste it. Strive to be the best person you can be. If you want good friends, first be a good friend. Love is shown all sorts of ways -- just might not be what we expect. Blaming yourself for everything that goes bad only creates loneliness. Last but not least, don't quit. :)
Saturday, December 3, 2016
The Right Thing Isn't Always Easy
If doing the right thing was easy, we'd all be doing it everyday. However, because it isn't, very often we'd rather not and choose to do the thing that's wrong because it's easier.
You all know already that I love to talk about TV shows that teach something. One of them is Blue Bloods, and while I'm not a Catholic I do agree with many topics of conversation that happen around the Reagan family dinner table or side discussions. Last night's episode was a rerun, but I still managed to take away something.
"It's hard to know what to do when you're not sure what the right thing is." When the PC, Frank Reagan, said this to his daughter, Erin, they both knew what the right thing was. The truth of the statement remains the same; doing the right thing is hard and in the situation with Erin, she could lose her job. I don't want to spoil the ending for those who don't watch this show but might watch it later, so all I will say is that she did what was right despite her opposition.
In my life now, I face the question, what is the right thing to do? My heart is in so much pain and I don't want it to cloud my judgement. Forming relationships of any kind have been tough since the beginning especially lasting ones. I know I'm different. I know I'm sensitive, but I also know that I care a lot. Sometimes that seems to mean that it's inevitable that I will get hurt. Humans disappoint and I have to remind myself of that daily as well as not to expect so much. In my mind, I have a vision of what a good friendship looks like. While everyone has a different perspective on what love is or what respect is, I can't devalue my values simply because few people understand or respect my views.
Another awesome quote (from Instagram, not a TV show), "You don't gotta drop it low if you raise your standards." How true is that!? I shouldn't have to disregard my values simply because the person I want to have a friendship or relationship with doesn't agree.
My sister and I don't see eye to eye anymore and that doesn't mean I should let go of my beliefs. Just means I can't expect the same relationship we had growing up. We need to find common ground elsewhere. When that will happen, I have no idea. How to go about forging a new relationship with her, I have no idea. What the right thing is to do concerning my sister, I have no idea. I do know that no matter how many fights we have or tears we shed, we are still sisters. It will take time to figure out what the right thing is, but that shouldn't stop us from trying.
You all know already that I love to talk about TV shows that teach something. One of them is Blue Bloods, and while I'm not a Catholic I do agree with many topics of conversation that happen around the Reagan family dinner table or side discussions. Last night's episode was a rerun, but I still managed to take away something.
"It's hard to know what to do when you're not sure what the right thing is." When the PC, Frank Reagan, said this to his daughter, Erin, they both knew what the right thing was. The truth of the statement remains the same; doing the right thing is hard and in the situation with Erin, she could lose her job. I don't want to spoil the ending for those who don't watch this show but might watch it later, so all I will say is that she did what was right despite her opposition.
In my life now, I face the question, what is the right thing to do? My heart is in so much pain and I don't want it to cloud my judgement. Forming relationships of any kind have been tough since the beginning especially lasting ones. I know I'm different. I know I'm sensitive, but I also know that I care a lot. Sometimes that seems to mean that it's inevitable that I will get hurt. Humans disappoint and I have to remind myself of that daily as well as not to expect so much. In my mind, I have a vision of what a good friendship looks like. While everyone has a different perspective on what love is or what respect is, I can't devalue my values simply because few people understand or respect my views.
Another awesome quote (from Instagram, not a TV show), "You don't gotta drop it low if you raise your standards." How true is that!? I shouldn't have to disregard my values simply because the person I want to have a friendship or relationship with doesn't agree.
My sister and I don't see eye to eye anymore and that doesn't mean I should let go of my beliefs. Just means I can't expect the same relationship we had growing up. We need to find common ground elsewhere. When that will happen, I have no idea. How to go about forging a new relationship with her, I have no idea. What the right thing is to do concerning my sister, I have no idea. I do know that no matter how many fights we have or tears we shed, we are still sisters. It will take time to figure out what the right thing is, but that shouldn't stop us from trying.
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