Secrets

Our deepest feelings reveal the best stories.

Love
Both a curse
and a blessing

Feelings for you
never completely dissolve
instead they drop anchor

Every time I think
I'm finally over you
something reminds me I'm not

Wondering how you're doing
Wondering if you're over me
Wondering what's new

I don't care what
anyone else says
I just want you back

New Year and New Me

Been too long since I've written on here. :(
2013 has taught be a lot for instance to not trust everyone fully who says they want to publish something of mine especially before they even see it. So many publications just want you to buy the book that your poem or short story is in and of course the book is hard cover and cost over $50! Annoying!
I haven't given up on trying to get a short story of mine published nor my dream of becoming a NY Times Bestseller. It's slow going since when I'm home many times I don't really feel like writing, but I must press onward and upward. The hard part is figuring out which publications to send my work to. I've yet to feel good about sending my work into high esteemed publishers like Writers Digest since their reading fees are high, but I know it would be a great opportunity to get chosen never mind read. We shall see.

So Many Roads

It's overwhelming to think about all the different career paths I can take with my degree. It's a good thing and a bad thing. Right now I have a couple of ideas; advertising, copy writing or screen writing. I'm also still hoping to become a NY Times Bestseller. That desire will never die. As for my day job, one of the above I think I will be happy doing.
As a recent graduate...not sure when that tittle will no longer apply to me, I am taking it day by day trying not to get discouraged. I have my whole life ahead of me and its ok not to have all the answers. I think one of my biggest problems is that my close friends have full time jobs. Granted, most don't like it but they have one. Meanwhile, I hopping around with two jobs and a volunteer position. But I am blessed and I pray I never forget that. All of those positions I have can potentially lead me to a full time or at least something that will allow me to use my passion of writing. One actually lets me use two of my passions so I am grateful. I hate that I never seem to be happy long.
On a happy note, I love this quote from Bill Cosby, "In order to succeed, your desire for success should be greater than your fear of failure."
He is spot on! I don't think I'm afraid of failure but I am afraid of life since I don't know for sure what I want to do. It will come in time, I just need to stop fretting.

Deafness

My goals are somewhat different than most people. When I tell people what I want to do down the road, I hear, "Make way for Mother Teressa!" It's a good feeling, don't get me wrong. Having a hearing loss made me appreciate even more what my teachers have done for me growing up. If it weren't for them, I don't think I would be the person who I am today. If my family hadn't encouraged me to do the things that I love, I wouldn't have made it this far. So I want to give back which is why I want, someday, to become a Writing teacher for the Deaf. At this point, I'm thinking high school but, many people have told me it can be quite difficult. I have tried teaching elementary and it was terrible. So maybe I will shoot for the middle. The couple of times I was able to be an assistant to 5-6th graders, I really liked it. Sometimes they were hard to control, but they listened a lot better than the elementary.
In the meantime, I want to write about deafness and Deaf culture. I recently wrote a novella which I hope to publish someday. I still have some things I want to work out in the last few chapters, but other than that I think it is ready to be viewed by a publisher. I do hope it becomes a book or maybe put into a magazine in parts. Who knows, but I do know that I will keep on writing and submitting until my dreams come true.

What does my future look like?

This is the big question. Everyone asks this at some point in their life. I ask this because so many people have told me, "You will do great things someday." I honestly believed that and am still holding onto that. Even if I never become a NY Times Bestseller, I still want to make my mark in this world. If I do become a teacher for the Deaf, I know that that will impact others in ways I can't imagine. I know that the teachers I had growing up helped mold me into the person and writer that I am today. If I didn't have the encouragement and people pushing me to be better, I probably would have skated through school and not gotten into a top school like Ithaca. I want others to never hear the words, "You can't."
"My future looks so bright, I need shades," is a quote from a shirt I saw back in middle school. I can only pray that that is true.