This has been on my mind and heart for the past month or so. Social media is blowing up every two seconds about some scandal there or a conspiracy over there or a catastrophe here. A common thread I'm seeing through all this is blaming. Ever since Adam blamed Eve for his disobedience, humans have the tendency to blame each other for their actions. You know that phrase, "You reap what you sow"? Well, that statement continues to be true at every level.
1) If my boyfriend sleeps with my best friend while I'm away on vacation. Whose fault is that? Is it mine because I wasn't with my boyfriend at the time? It is right for my boyfriend to blame me for his act of defiance or whatever he chooses to call it?
2) If my husband leaves me for a prettier woman, is it my fault because I hadn't tried harder to be prettier?
3) If someone steals pharmaceuticals because the law has priced the item too high for them to be able to afford, who's fault is that?
4) If a person says, "I'm sorry, but I can't support your lifestyle/religious decision" and the person who feels wronged shoots the other person, who's at fault?
5) If a man thinks illicit thoughts about a woman because of how she is dressed, whose fault is it?
I could go on and on but I think I've touched on the most common ones I hear. We each, myself included, need to take a hard look at our actions and the motivation behind them. We as humans hate to be wrong, but sometimes we are wrong and we need to accept as well as change our attitude. Is it easy? NOPE! Will it take time? YES!
In each scenario the first person mentioned, with the exception of the last two, is the person who is wrong. In the fourth, the person who did the shooting is the one who made the wrong decision. Why? The first person has a right to an opinion. It is not right for the second person to destroy a person's life because of of it. In the fifth, it's both. Why? It's the man's duty to be mindful of what enters his mind. It's up to him not to dwell on dirty thoughts about a woman he sees. It's also the woman's duty to be mindful about what she wears. What a woman wears determines how a man treats them and also what kind of man she is trying to attract. Men are wired to desire what they see for the most part. Women are wired to desire what they feel for the most part. Each person needs to be aware of how they are perceived and dress accordingly. Otherwise, women will get attention they weren't looking for and men will fall into traps they didn't want to fall into.
Everyone is accountable for their actions. It's up to each of us to stop blaming each other and instead find ways to avoid the situation altogether. :)
Monday, June 22, 2015
Saturday, June 6, 2015
Opinions
I recently came upon a quote that embodies truth to its core and one that many seem to ignore.
"Our culture has accepted two huge lies. The first is that if you disagree with someone's lifestyle, you must fear or hate them. The second is that to love someone means you agree with everything they believe or do. Both are nonsense. You don't have to compromise convictions to be compassionate." Nor should you compromise in this instance.
Personally, this says it all. We each have opinions and just because we don't agree with someone's point of view, doesn't mean we hate them. Just like if someone doesn't think that the gay/transgender lifestyle is ok or right doesn't mean they are homophobic. That word seems to be thrown everywhere like the word racist. Take a step back and really evaluate, respect and listen to another person's view point. Homophobia or any phobia means that you are scared. Some may very well be scared for various reasons, but not everyone who disagrees with this in particular is a homophobic. This is called labeling. No one likes that.
We constantly keep screaming at people who don't believe what we do and that's not right. It's ok to have a difference of opinion. It bothers me so much when people spill their frustrations onto social media about tolerance when they themselves don't tolerate anyone who doesn't agree with them. This isn't just an "American problem" it's becoming a worldwide problem. There are countries out there that say "gay marriage is wrong," this doesn't give us or anyone else for that matter license to say nasty things about them. Same goes for any other statement that someone doesn't agree with.
Just wish all of us, myself included, would take a step back and realize that another opinion is ok. No matter what it is. Life will go on.
"Our culture has accepted two huge lies. The first is that if you disagree with someone's lifestyle, you must fear or hate them. The second is that to love someone means you agree with everything they believe or do. Both are nonsense. You don't have to compromise convictions to be compassionate." Nor should you compromise in this instance.
Personally, this says it all. We each have opinions and just because we don't agree with someone's point of view, doesn't mean we hate them. Just like if someone doesn't think that the gay/transgender lifestyle is ok or right doesn't mean they are homophobic. That word seems to be thrown everywhere like the word racist. Take a step back and really evaluate, respect and listen to another person's view point. Homophobia or any phobia means that you are scared. Some may very well be scared for various reasons, but not everyone who disagrees with this in particular is a homophobic. This is called labeling. No one likes that.
We constantly keep screaming at people who don't believe what we do and that's not right. It's ok to have a difference of opinion. It bothers me so much when people spill their frustrations onto social media about tolerance when they themselves don't tolerate anyone who doesn't agree with them. This isn't just an "American problem" it's becoming a worldwide problem. There are countries out there that say "gay marriage is wrong," this doesn't give us or anyone else for that matter license to say nasty things about them. Same goes for any other statement that someone doesn't agree with.
Just wish all of us, myself included, would take a step back and realize that another opinion is ok. No matter what it is. Life will go on.
Saturday, May 30, 2015
Sacrifice
When I hear this word, "sacrifice," I think of the greatest sacrifice the world has ever known, God's Son. Honestly, I don't understand why people cringe at this word. In any relationship, you need to sacrifice something at some point in order to make the other person more comfortable or just to be there for them. God sacrificed his Son so that we would be able to have a relationship with Him. Just like He did, we humans should sacrifice things in order to have a solid relationship with a person we care about. A friendship is a two way street as is an intimate bond.
In a friendship, you might sacrifice a date night in order to lend a shoulder or ear because they are going through a hardship and need their friend. In a boyfriend/girlfriend relationship, you probably will sacrifice a video game night with your buddies, ratty old t-shirt from high school or maybe a favorite food because you know the other doesn't like it. Like many things, there are instances where you shouldn't sacrifice because that would mean you have no life! Give and take is what makes a stronger bond between two people. I've experienced this first hand in many ways.
So sacrifice isn't a bad thing! It helps make you more self-less and think about the other person before yourself. The world doesn't revolve around any one person or idea. We are all different and should learn to embrace each other as well as shape each other. We were not meant to stand alone, but to be loved and be a lover. Do what makes another person happy, not just yourself. That is true sacrifice. :)
In a friendship, you might sacrifice a date night in order to lend a shoulder or ear because they are going through a hardship and need their friend. In a boyfriend/girlfriend relationship, you probably will sacrifice a video game night with your buddies, ratty old t-shirt from high school or maybe a favorite food because you know the other doesn't like it. Like many things, there are instances where you shouldn't sacrifice because that would mean you have no life! Give and take is what makes a stronger bond between two people. I've experienced this first hand in many ways.
So sacrifice isn't a bad thing! It helps make you more self-less and think about the other person before yourself. The world doesn't revolve around any one person or idea. We are all different and should learn to embrace each other as well as shape each other. We were not meant to stand alone, but to be loved and be a lover. Do what makes another person happy, not just yourself. That is true sacrifice. :)
Sunday, May 24, 2015
What Is It About the Word 'Respect'?
Almost everywhere I go, I see the lack of respect in kids as well as adults. We all demand respect for ourselves yet very rarely do we understand how to respect others. Honestly, the world is going downhill fast if we don't do something about this concept.
What is respect? According to dictionary.com, there are many definitions for this word so I will just point out a couple.
1) esteem for or a sense of the worth or excellence of a person, a personal quality or ability, or something considered as a manifestation of a personal quality or ability:
2) deference to a right, privilege, privileged position, or someone or something considered to have certain rights or privileges; proper acceptance or courtesy; acknowledgment:
Regardless of your race, occupation, tastes, religion etc we should all learn how to truly respect each other's differences. God made us unique therefore, we are going to disagree on things or simply just not like something. Do we have to bash each other for those differences? NO! We state our opinion on a matter respectfully and hear what the other person has to say.
What I see happen quite often is this...Sam says, "I think that smoking is bad for you because it damages your lungs and causes cancer." James says, "How dare you accuse me of being wrong! I can do whatever I want whenever I want!" Sam says, "If you look at the facts..." "You're stupid!" "Well, you're the one who's too stupid to know the truth when it's right in front of you!" and so on. Is this showing respect to either person? Nope. Now, Sam tried to just state facts but unfortunately he let his emotions get the better of him.
Sometimes we become stubborn in our way of thinking and push ideas on other people. It's ok to have a difference in opinion on how the welfare system works, whether or not we should have a law against abortion or when is it ok to spank a child. The problem occurs when we ostracize each other based on our opinion or ridicule others because they hold an opinion you strongly disagree with. THAT IS NOT RESPECT.
Thank God we still live in a country where we have freedom of speech, freedom of religion etc. Frustration overwhelms me when I see hurtful conversations on social media or hear people talk about someone else and their "opposite" opinion in a bullying kind of way. I do my best to respect others lack of faith, what I would deem "wrong" choices etc. but I can be just as wrong as the person next door. The difference between them and me is my choice to show respect even if I wholeheartedly don't agree.
See where that gets you.
What is respect? According to dictionary.com, there are many definitions for this word so I will just point out a couple.
1) esteem for or a sense of the worth or excellence of a person, a personal quality or ability, or something considered as a manifestation of a personal quality or ability:
2) deference to a right, privilege, privileged position, or someone or something considered to have certain rights or privileges; proper acceptance or courtesy; acknowledgment:
Regardless of your race, occupation, tastes, religion etc we should all learn how to truly respect each other's differences. God made us unique therefore, we are going to disagree on things or simply just not like something. Do we have to bash each other for those differences? NO! We state our opinion on a matter respectfully and hear what the other person has to say.
What I see happen quite often is this...Sam says, "I think that smoking is bad for you because it damages your lungs and causes cancer." James says, "How dare you accuse me of being wrong! I can do whatever I want whenever I want!" Sam says, "If you look at the facts..." "You're stupid!" "Well, you're the one who's too stupid to know the truth when it's right in front of you!" and so on. Is this showing respect to either person? Nope. Now, Sam tried to just state facts but unfortunately he let his emotions get the better of him.
Sometimes we become stubborn in our way of thinking and push ideas on other people. It's ok to have a difference in opinion on how the welfare system works, whether or not we should have a law against abortion or when is it ok to spank a child. The problem occurs when we ostracize each other based on our opinion or ridicule others because they hold an opinion you strongly disagree with. THAT IS NOT RESPECT.
Thank God we still live in a country where we have freedom of speech, freedom of religion etc. Frustration overwhelms me when I see hurtful conversations on social media or hear people talk about someone else and their "opposite" opinion in a bullying kind of way. I do my best to respect others lack of faith, what I would deem "wrong" choices etc. but I can be just as wrong as the person next door. The difference between them and me is my choice to show respect even if I wholeheartedly don't agree.
See where that gets you.
Saturday, May 2, 2015
What If
Here's a thought provoking question....
What if every time we said or did something we first took a moment to think about how we would feel if someone else said or did that to us?
Personally, I think just by doing something simple like this would prevent so many issues down the road. To go even further, it might just solve a quarter of America's social issues right now.
People have a habit of "shooting first and asking questions later." I'm guilty of this too. Just recently, I accused a close friend of mine of something he didn't do. After I told him about my perception on the incident and he explained his actions, I realized I assumed by putting pieces together that didn't belong. I'm glad I didn't come on to hard on him and lead the discussion with, "What did my face tell you after you did such and such?" instead of leading with "I can't believe you did that! That was wrong!" It made such a difference on how I carried myself and how I calmly (this was hard) explained how I perceived the situation.
I see the wrong way to approach someone so often both on TV and real life. I tend to scream inwardly at the person and say "Let him explain!" Granted, there are times when giving someone the benefit of the doubt is the wrong thing to do especially if they have a proven track record of lying. But giving the other person a chance to say their piece shouldn't be taken away from them. Maybe they know they were wrong and want to say an apology. Maybe you missed something in their body language or words that would have prevented you from getting angry in the first place if you had caught it. Or maybe they are going through something hard personally and need a friend.
As a rule of thumb in my life, I don't yell and scream. I take the time to calm down and think about what I want/need to say. Sometimes, it takes a long time but if I force myself to gather the courage to say it, I will. Very often what needs to be said is hard to say.
So in conclusion, I hope this post helps you think about how you interact with friends, family and even perfect strangers.
What if every time we said or did something we first took a moment to think about how we would feel if someone else said or did that to us?
Personally, I think just by doing something simple like this would prevent so many issues down the road. To go even further, it might just solve a quarter of America's social issues right now.
People have a habit of "shooting first and asking questions later." I'm guilty of this too. Just recently, I accused a close friend of mine of something he didn't do. After I told him about my perception on the incident and he explained his actions, I realized I assumed by putting pieces together that didn't belong. I'm glad I didn't come on to hard on him and lead the discussion with, "What did my face tell you after you did such and such?" instead of leading with "I can't believe you did that! That was wrong!" It made such a difference on how I carried myself and how I calmly (this was hard) explained how I perceived the situation.
I see the wrong way to approach someone so often both on TV and real life. I tend to scream inwardly at the person and say "Let him explain!" Granted, there are times when giving someone the benefit of the doubt is the wrong thing to do especially if they have a proven track record of lying. But giving the other person a chance to say their piece shouldn't be taken away from them. Maybe they know they were wrong and want to say an apology. Maybe you missed something in their body language or words that would have prevented you from getting angry in the first place if you had caught it. Or maybe they are going through something hard personally and need a friend.
As a rule of thumb in my life, I don't yell and scream. I take the time to calm down and think about what I want/need to say. Sometimes, it takes a long time but if I force myself to gather the courage to say it, I will. Very often what needs to be said is hard to say.
So in conclusion, I hope this post helps you think about how you interact with friends, family and even perfect strangers.
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