Everyone has a Mother, but not everyone has a Mom

Now, it's a known fact that every person is born from a womb inside a woman, unless they are a science specimen or clone. Despite the fact that I have been blessed with both a mother and a mom, I'm still deeply saddened and have a huge heart for those girls with a single dad. There are so many things I would never discuss with my dad and would only go to my mom for help.

It's extremely helpful for a girl to have an older woman to go to for help whether it's about their growing, ever changing bodies or how to deal with the opposite sex. Gender plays a huge role in how we grow up and what we learn about our own gender and the opposite. Personally, I feel that I've learned at a slower rate in many areas about the opposite sex growing up without a brother. Now, I did have those boys and men in my life who were friends, cousins and of course my father. At the same time, I never had a close relationship with my cousins or guy friends until middle school. The more you're around certain genders, the more you learn about them, how to interact with them, how to talk to them and so on so forth.

Sure, you can read about other genders, how they act and maybe even one that lists common questions that are answered, but nothing is like having a real relationship with that person. Both Moms and Dads are important to have and I hope as our children grow up in single parent homes, that they fill the hole with someone who is willing and just as loving.

COMMON Courtesy Doesn't Exist

Does anyone know what common courtesy is anymore? Or do we all have our different views on what it is? Personally, these are what I believe everyone should hold as common courtesy...

1) Hold the door open for the person a couple feet behind you regardless of gender
2) If you see someone needs help carrying something, offer your assistance in some way
3) Treat others the way you want to be treated
4) When someone doesn't like something you said or did, STOP especially if he/she is a friend
5) When a friend/relative sends you a message via email, phone, social media respond as quickly as you can. Don't ignore the person for days without some sort of reply like "I will get back to you on that."
6) When a friend is in need of a shoulder to cry on or a listening ear, drop something and help her/him. You don't need to move a mountain to help a friend.
7) Respect each other's differences. If you don't agree, oh well. But don't shoot them down just so you can feel better about your stand on the matter. Or try to change their mind when it's clear they don't want to. Know when to stop.

I realize that many of us have grown up differently under different circumstances. This doesn't mean our present/future has to mirror our past. I've been blessed to grow up in a loving home, with food on the table every night and parents to come home to. Not everyone had/has that. At the same time, this is no excuse for some of us to treat others like we were treated by our drunk fathers or incompetent mothers etc. Don't let your circumstances ruin your chance at a happy life. Don't let your past ruin your present. Be the best {insert your name here} you can be. With each passing day, be nicer, be more understanding, be more loving.

Side Note: Truly loving someone doesn't mean only when it's good for you. Real love means sacrifice, commitment and understanding. Don't jump ship the first moment of trouble. Work it out. Give a little. Help each other grow and love each other more :) <3 nbsp="" p="">

My Own Life Hack!

So on one of my favorite shows, Blue Bloods, Pop says the most astounding truth.

"Back then, Family was the original Department of Health, Education and Welfare. When that falls apart, everything goes to hell."

So much truth in that statement! If we look back on our country's history, the trouble with single parent families, children having children, people on welfare that have no business being on it, kids not understanding what respect is and a host of other issues we face today, we didn't have long ago. Why is that? Maybe it's because we had stricter rules? Maybe it's because families tried harder to stay together? Maybe it's because we weren't so worried about what everyone else thinks?

I remember a Cosby episode where a friend of Dr. Huxtable had a daughter who was into drugs. The friend asked Dr. Huxtable how come his kids weren't into that? How did he keep that away from your kids? You know what he said? "I don't know." If my parents were asked that question, they'd probably answer, "God protected them." But I think in addition to that to being the case, my sister and I knew the difference between right and wrong from an early age. We knew that if we went against that we'd not only grieve them but God himself. Now, this isn't to say we are in any way perfect. I know I'm not. I don't always stay within the lines drawn by my parents, but I do however draw my own. I'm not a whatever goes kind of girl. Personally, I believe we all need to have, at the very least, our own moral code to guide us. If we have no one to answer to or have nothing to believe in, who cares how we live our lives? To me, this is the root of our problems.

To families, stick together, love each other no matter what, take care of each other, share advice, BE THERE!

To individuals, be a friend first, share responsibilities, love each other, put someone else first, BE YOURSELF!

--The olden days were indeed better in a lot of ways.

New Year

This time of year everyone writes down what they would like to change in the new year. Sometimes it's about eating habits or exercise. Maybe it's about taking a step back from a busy lifestyle. Mine is jumbled mix of things.

First, I want to make the most of my 20s. I'm tired of focusing on the negative about my life and I just wish to turn things around and have fun!

Second, not to be scared of the future. In high school, I had a plan. That plan went out the window. Freshman year of college, I had a plan. That one too went out the window. Junior year, I had a plan. You'd think I would have learned but no, it too went out the window. Now, I have no plan and it terrifies me. My future is a blank slate and that's ok.

Third, people have told me that I emanate confidence but inside I don't feel that way. Sure, I've grown to the point where I'm happy being Ruth Elisabeth Jackson through and through but there are things I really wish I could change. Sometimes, it surprises me how many people actually like me. That just sounded supremely depressing, but it was only after high school when I starting liking myself. This new year, I want to believe in myself fully.

Fourth, trusting God that He indeed wants me to be happy and not miserable. My mind always goes back to the times where I hated myself and wanted out which causes me to wonder if He wanted that. He never gave me anything better during that time. But the past is the past and I want to look forward to my future, my career. Sometimes I wonder if we are even on the same page. This one is going to be a hard one, but I am determined to stick with Him and see what He's thinking. (I'm praying I'll like it)

Happy New Year!

Sometimes Going Through the Fire Helps

Compared to some people I'm a baby, being "only" 23. Though the way I see it, I've been through a lot. I've felt like dirt, I've been ecstatic, I've seen kids as young as 5 treat their classmates like scum of the earth. There are times when God hates me. There are also times where I feel so blessed, no one could possibly bring me down. I don't understand why I've been through all the lows I have nor do I see the positive implications of them. I can speculate all day and not truly see the reasons why.

I keep reminding myself that there is a reason for my life and that God has a plan. Maybe the reason for Hell High School was so that I would be of assistance to Nobul Apparel, a non-profit I blog for. The whole existence of that company is to promote bullying awareness and to help others see the negative impacts of their actions. If I hadn't been treated with such contempt, I wouldn't have any personal stories to tell or feel the need to be an advocate against bullying. I still don't like what I went through and if I was thrown back in time, I'd stand up for myself better or even yet, begged harder to transfer out of that place.

Another reason for going through fire could be so that I would be a stronger individual. Now, I've never been one to cling to people or absolutely need a buddy to go to the bathroom, but with all the people who've struck havoc upon my life and ruined my trust and faith, I've been more careful and somewhat stricter on who I let into my life. There are certain kinds of people I'd rather not hang out with all the time. If people always talk down about someone else, who's to say they don't do the same to you when you're not around? I only want true friends who will be there when the ugliness clouds my thinking or I feel like hurting myself. Not those who are only with me when it's party time.

Going through the fire can be helpful to appreciate the blessings that come and not take anything for granted.