New Year

This time of year everyone writes down what they would like to change in the new year. Sometimes it's about eating habits or exercise. Maybe it's about taking a step back from a busy lifestyle. Mine is jumbled mix of things.

First, I want to make the most of my 20s. I'm tired of focusing on the negative about my life and I just wish to turn things around and have fun!

Second, not to be scared of the future. In high school, I had a plan. That plan went out the window. Freshman year of college, I had a plan. That one too went out the window. Junior year, I had a plan. You'd think I would have learned but no, it too went out the window. Now, I have no plan and it terrifies me. My future is a blank slate and that's ok.

Third, people have told me that I emanate confidence but inside I don't feel that way. Sure, I've grown to the point where I'm happy being Ruth Elisabeth Jackson through and through but there are things I really wish I could change. Sometimes, it surprises me how many people actually like me. That just sounded supremely depressing, but it was only after high school when I starting liking myself. This new year, I want to believe in myself fully.

Fourth, trusting God that He indeed wants me to be happy and not miserable. My mind always goes back to the times where I hated myself and wanted out which causes me to wonder if He wanted that. He never gave me anything better during that time. But the past is the past and I want to look forward to my future, my career. Sometimes I wonder if we are even on the same page. This one is going to be a hard one, but I am determined to stick with Him and see what He's thinking. (I'm praying I'll like it)

Happy New Year!

Sometimes Going Through the Fire Helps

Compared to some people I'm a baby, being "only" 23. Though the way I see it, I've been through a lot. I've felt like dirt, I've been ecstatic, I've seen kids as young as 5 treat their classmates like scum of the earth. There are times when God hates me. There are also times where I feel so blessed, no one could possibly bring me down. I don't understand why I've been through all the lows I have nor do I see the positive implications of them. I can speculate all day and not truly see the reasons why.

I keep reminding myself that there is a reason for my life and that God has a plan. Maybe the reason for Hell High School was so that I would be of assistance to Nobul Apparel, a non-profit I blog for. The whole existence of that company is to promote bullying awareness and to help others see the negative impacts of their actions. If I hadn't been treated with such contempt, I wouldn't have any personal stories to tell or feel the need to be an advocate against bullying. I still don't like what I went through and if I was thrown back in time, I'd stand up for myself better or even yet, begged harder to transfer out of that place.

Another reason for going through fire could be so that I would be a stronger individual. Now, I've never been one to cling to people or absolutely need a buddy to go to the bathroom, but with all the people who've struck havoc upon my life and ruined my trust and faith, I've been more careful and somewhat stricter on who I let into my life. There are certain kinds of people I'd rather not hang out with all the time. If people always talk down about someone else, who's to say they don't do the same to you when you're not around? I only want true friends who will be there when the ugliness clouds my thinking or I feel like hurting myself. Not those who are only with me when it's party time.

Going through the fire can be helpful to appreciate the blessings that come and not take anything for granted.

Who Defines the Word 'Normal'?

Whenever I hear someone say, "I'm not normal" I cringe. This reaction stems from the sadness I get knowing why people say that. Everyday we constantly compare ourselves to the people we work with, the people we see on the street and the "people" we see on TV. Let me remind you..the ones on TV are called characters because they are not living real lives. If you watch reality TV, there's a spin on it and almost always there are scenes cut out.

Everyone is unique and I like to say strange in our own way. There isn't a single person on the planet that is exactly like you or me. Now, there are people who share similar views, like the same things or even look alike but all in all we are different. This is a good thing! If everyone was exactly like me, the world would be boring!

I have to remind myself all the time to stop comparing myself to others because once I go down that path, my life crumbles and I surrender to the tears that fall. Looking at my friends' lives or even just people I know, they look so happy all the time and so perfect. If you ask them, you might get a different story. I would venture to say that most people don't air out their dirty laundry on social media. They may even hide that from their family and friends. Social media is where people expose the awesome parts of their lives. So the next time you start feeling bad about yourself, STOP and think about the amazing things you've done. Everyone has a different path, explore yours and tell the world about it!

So what is "normal'? You define it.

Makeup

I've read in girl/women magazines that many men prefer girls without makeup because it shows the real "you". When I was younger, in high school, I used to think that was silly. So many celebrities look so much better with makeup and in fact look dreadful without it. Now, post college, I realize why seeing the real person is so much more appealing.

Personally, I still feel like I don't look pretty without makeup, but I've been proven wrong on many occasions. Guys have hit on me, given me their number and called me 'beautiful lady' when I've been without "beautification" on my face while wearing sweatpants. To me I look boring or give the message that I don't care about how I look. I do care, maybe not as much as some people who cake themselves all over, but I do want to look good when I leave the house. Everyone should.

On the opposite side of the coin however, if putting makeup on is the only way you feel beautiful, something's wrong. You choose to be beautiful. Now, I know we all hate the phrase "Be beautiful on the inside" but in reality being beautiful on the inside counts for something too. In my life, I split the attention between the inside and the outside so that both are being treated right. I do my best to be kind, loving and respectful towards others while at the same time I make sure I look my best. I don't spend a ton of money (though there are times when my favorite stores have awesome sales), but will spend it on items that will enhance my inner light :)

Love yourself both inside and out and don't succumb to the pressure of needing makeup to be beautiful!

Tell Someone He Can Do Better

Whenever someone challenges me to do better, the first instinct is to defend what I've done then I realize... maybe I can do it better.

I will never forget when a librarian friend of mine who was running a writing class told me that I could do better on a story I had written. Her statement surprised me because prior teachers had always praised me for my work. So my mind was in warpdrive.

However, because she said that. I do my best to look over my work and not hold too tightly to something. If something needs changing in order to make it flow, funnier or whatever it may be, I aim to do better.

Tell someone he/she can do better. You never know how that one statement will change their life. :)